Why It Continued

So, in my last blog post I talked about, “How it started.” But, in this post I want to talk about, “Why it Continued.”

I’d love to say there was no rhyme or reason that initially drove my writing and that after college I was just ‘motivated,’ but honestly, the book became an afterthought. I was more focused on how I could make a living. Without a portfolio or anything to sell besides a generic screenplay, I had nothing of value and needed a job, asap.

This isn’t my biography, so let’s flash-forward a couple of years. You know those times in life where you feel you have no other option? I felt I had no other option but to write, as I believed with all my heart that this random book I had started years ago was the only shot at stopping my parents from losing their house. Ever since the 08’ housing crisis, they were struggling through tragic circumstance after tragic circumstance until a hole was so deep they couldn’t find the way out.

     

I started writing feverishly. I barely slept or ate. I stopped going to the gym and gave up almost all forms of self-care because my window to help them was closing fast. Within a couple months, an opportunity presented itself and they sold their house at an agonizing loss. The sale was still a blessing, but I couldn’t shake a feeling of failure. Through all of my effort, I could only finish 6 (out of the would-be 20) chapters. With the sale, this meant they were moving away, out of state somewhere I’d barely be able to see them again. I didn’t have any money, so we all knew this sale meant saying goodbye. I was 25 at the time.

After their move, I decided to make buying the house back my absolute priority. I just wanted to be together again in our home. I swore I’d finish the book, be successful and achieve the dream of buying our home back! Happy with my determination, they dreamed with me, cheering me on every step of the way. Their encouragement carried me through every page until they both passed away 3 and 4 years later.

After they passed, I felt my dream die with them. We’d never be a family again, never be in the same house and never laugh while sharing my mom’s famous lasagna ever again. I failed them, and myself; I’d lost. There was a deadline I never thought I had. Demotivated, I’d often find myself reading the note my mother left me in a journal telling me to never stop writing. Reigniting my determination, I promised myself I wouldn’t give up, and I’d see this through to the end. And here we are!

With my first launch on the horizon (call me a romantic!) I still plan to buy that house, no matter how long it takes. I can’t wait to share this journey with everyone and hope from the bottom of my heart that you enjoy it. But, this is hardly the ending. I’m just getting started.

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The Hacker’s Monarchy: Cocktail Edition

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How It Started: Pt. 2